In school camping with some of my students' siblings and its really tiring BUT fun! I enjoying being with these kids and they really say the darnest things.

I need more time to prepare
for my trip.

Did i say something wrong?

When i am feeling down, i like to put my head on Ruski's tummy, feeling his soft fur while listening to him purr and feel the vibrations running through my cheeks.

How exciting!
I am preparing for the sibling camp in school and though it seems quite hectic, i'm pretty excited and "psyched" up to meet the teenagers coming for the camp!
Some of the brothers and sisters i've already met and they seemed a decent bunch.
I have a pretty good feeling that this will turn out well.

Lighten up and relax angela! *grins* It will be okie!

My Bloginality is ISTP!!!

As an ISTP, you are Intraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving.
This makes your primary focus on Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Sensing

This is defined as a SP personality, which is part of Carl Jung's Artisans (Sensation Seeking) type, and more specifically the Crafters or Mechanics.

Because of your desire for action and independance, you will change the format of blogging or design frequently to keep it interesting and different. Your loyalty may have you reading the same blogs over a long period of time. Even though you could be easily bored with blogging, you might find that because you like following a project through, this is a good way for you to use your alone time to sort the facts you pick up through the day.


Hence my tweaking fit!! Gosh! I love silly quizzes that tells me all about myself!

Went to Carrefore last saturday and "adopted" another doinkie.
It is a little beanie eeyore sitting on top of some boxes in the midst of the weekend supermarket chaos.
It looked lost and forlorn with none of his companions in sight.
He saw me looked at the toy and asked "Do you want to adopt him?".
I smiled because he remembered how i feel about undertrodden soft toys.
Some people adopt stray animals but i adopt stray soft toys that no one wants.

My cat is a junk tv addict.
He enjoys watching stuff like "Are you Hot?"!

Its better not to think too much about things.
Especially since this is the holidays.
Hmm.
Obsessive Compulsive people like me tends to dwell.

Yes, its the holidays and instead of fooling around with the template this time round, i decided to add on a chatterbox. Don't think anyone will use it but hey, my fingers were just idling. :D

Yes yes.. i believe i am. Yes.


obsessive compulsive


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Went to the Body Worlds exhibition at the expo just now.
Very interesting but just a tad bit disturbing at some point.
Especially the deformed foetus on display.
Some bodies are like macabre art works straight out of the studio of a mad but brilliant sculptor.
Still, it is an amazing and intricate look into a human body.
It sort of make you realized that beneath of that skin, everyone is basically just the same as each other.

For those who are interested in something a little different...


************************************************

In the Soundproof room�
Nobody can see you smile

starring Kevin Ho

STAGES resident storyteller Kevin Ho returns from the UK to offer you a night of stories for adults, tinged with acid yet laced with cinnamon. A bit like an exotic cookie.

A handsome, fair-skinned fiddler gets all the jobs while the hunchbacked, dark-skinned one doesn�t. An architect pays the price of success in a society that does not tolerate failure. The Knights of the Round Table hold an opinion poll with a highly embarrassing question. And if you manage to catch the Gingerbread Man, you just might look at your life a little differently. Strangely enough, the most unbelievable stories are the real life adventures of the storyteller, in his bid to collect stories from all over the world! Then again, never trust the truth in the hands of a storyteller�

Scathing cynicism lurks just beneath the surface of the most beautiful fairytales like a gang of sharks. If you thought that storytelling was just for kids, or that you�d outgrown the Gingerbread Man, give us a chance to change your mind.

Date 13th Dec 2003
Showtime 8pm
Venue Soundproof Room 1
Siglap South CC
6 Palm Road
Singapore 456441
Ticket prices $5
more details on www.nowstagethis.com/home.html

or ask STAGES for info at info@nowstagethis.com

I don't really care for poetry that rhymes.
The most emotive poems i have read don't rhyme.
Somehow, when they do, emotions seemed to have put on a veneer, a sort of stiff upper lip that says "thou shall not knowst my true emotions".
I say, give me the angrish plain and simple and don't make me guess.
As if life isn't cryptic enough as it is.
Rhymes can well be a technique but shouldn't be absolutely necessary.
I don't need poetry that rhymes
but if you do, i'm sure you will be just as happy as me being without.

Brewing...
Stirring...

something.

Another almost sleepless night.
No matter... I'm quite used to it.
It shouldn't have mattered as it was saturday but then, who would have thought that i needed to be in school for the new parents' orientation?
Not really needed anyway, because i am spending my time idling infront of the computer blogging.

Yes. I wonder.
Does millk neutralize chili?
This is the advice i gave to a friend but i had a nagging feeling it may just make the stomach worse.

If you have the power to look into the hearts of people and know what they are thinking or feeling, would you want to?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss and perhaps life will be more fun if everyone is left guessing right till the end.

I realized that i don't put people's name down on my blog much.
Its always...

a colleague
a friend
some friends
a couple of friends
someone
you
him

I don't have nicknames for them, just nouns and pronouns.

It may seem distant and unfeeling.
I just thought i ought to respect their privacy despite them not asking for it (not overtly anyway).
Or perhaps i just like to keep parts of me private despite having something so public, like a blog.
Or perhaps i'm just egotistical, everything else is peripheral to me, hence inconsequential and nameless.

Actually, i am a pretty excitable person whose voice tend to "peak" each time i talked about something i feel strongly for. So says a colleague.
No wonder my voice felt strained sometimes.

Just woke up from taking a nap after forgoing dinner, in my room, hugging my bolster, still groggy from the rapidly forgotten vivid dream i just had.

Dreamt of running through a darkened tunnel, running to escape from a disaster, a monster i cannot see.

Next, i was sitting on a sofa watching tv, in an american suburban house with white trimmings.

Someone has taken control of the house. A lady in black leather and a man. Scheming to take over while standing over the kitchen sink.

Outside the house, there were 3 witches. I was outside the scene then suddenly, i was one of them. Reciting a chant, sprinkling green dust with our blood mingled together onto the porch landing. Green mist spread throughout the house, touching the lady in black leather. She looked at the slimy green mist and walked away.

Back again on the sofa and i can't see but i was not afraid. The other two in various parts of the house.

We sat around the dining table, deluded into feeling safe. The mist must have worked. Except it didn't. We lived in dreams we wanted to see, while our unconscious bodies lie in various parts of the room.

Suddenly it was dark again at the dining table. We were only two. We heard the third walking downstairs, unsure if she was awake or were we.

I held on to one other. We were three at the table, yet someone continued to walk downstairs. One of us still. Sense of feeling trapped. I wasn't sure who i was holding on to. The person next to me. One of the three and she was talking. Trying to break the spell but i couldn't be sure if i was still in a darkened trance or am i still holding on, my conscious body touching another being.

We were holding the charms that made the green dust. Parts of supposably happy memories. A box of chocolates. A broken green cheap jade bangle. We tried to hang on to them, holding on to each other. Yet we couldn't be sure if we were each other. Someone continued to walk downstairs. One of us still. Except in a sudden flash, i saw her in a nurse uniform totally oblivious of being upstairs holding on to the two of us still.

I woke up holding on to my bolster, the arm of the girl next to me, in my darkened bedroom.

Somewhere a phone rang.

You understand that if you ask, i'm never going to admit it, about what i've just wrote, right?

I know what i have and what i am.
At least a side of me.
I'm afraid to say it out loud.
To type the words.
To scream, "I am *******"
I'm afraid how others will react.
What they will say to me.
What they will say to each other.
To put a name to the demon.
But i accept that demon.
Its part of me and i've lived with it.
Its a mutual acceptance that when i need it,
it would hover over me.
When i don't need it,
it would recede into another consciousness.
I know its there but no longer fear it being there.
It has grown to be understanding and undemanding.
It has become part of me.

I am losing touch with parts of me.
The empathizing part.
The soul and consciousness.
Its not just about you anymore, and hasn't been for a while.
Has it been about me?

I realized the world is not about me and my angst. I don't have a monopoly for misery. I stop feeling sorry for myself. In fact, my life has been blissful when i am willing to admit it. I have no reason to be angry with the world, with you, with myself. There is not need to be angry to make more of my life than it is. There is no need to write about you and misery to fill up the spaces. There is no need to dwell and lament and rant and rave.

Yet, taken all that away, i'm left such a boring and dead person.
A would-be person held together by scars, stepped away and geez, where did the person go?

Me. Its not about me being sane, insane, mad, calm, miserable, happy.
Without such feelings, what would i be? What can i write about?
Daily barrage of drivels.
Sometimes i can't even be bother.

Truly.
Perhaps i have reach the stage of indifference that i fear the most.

Fear. That's something.

Graduation day for some of the kids today and we had a big celebration where the theme was pirates. Everyone had fun and there were skits and dances, as well as best dressed pirates competition. I will definitely miss some of the kids that are leaving and was busy trying to rope them down to take photos. Its nice when parents are generally happy with what we had tried to do with their child and expresses their appreciation. I must say that it has been a pleasure to work with some of them personally. Sigh. Guess there will always be time when kids moved on and new kids coming in. In fact, tomorrow will have to be in school at 8am for the new parents orientation. I am glad that the children are moving on to another educational setting, just... well, will miss them.

YOU ARE WATER!

Your inner element is one of great compassion and
love. You are an extremely kind-hearted person
who tends to care more about helping others
than themselves at times. You gravitate to
people who need help or just a shoulder to cry
on and you provide them with the support they
need. You harbor an intense compassion for
others that is truly admirable. You are an
incredibly easy-going person who just goes with
the flow and tries to be comfortable no matter
what. You tend to collect things, little
reminders or memories of time gone past. Any
career that will allow you to help others in
any way is ideal for you. Love is a essential
element in your life, and your search for the
one and only for you is paramount to all
things. The one you choose with have to be
loyal, honest, and able to share their emotions
with you.

Your greatest strengths are your ability to bond
with others and help them through the tough
times. Your weaknesses are your tendency to get
overly emotional on things and drive those you
care about away with your emotional outbursts.
Balancing your strengths and weaknesses is
crucial for you to achieve balance in your
life.

Astrologically, Water is associated with the signs
of Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. You are most
compatible for either love or friendship with
another Water Elemental or with an Earth. You
are least compatible with a Fire Elemental.

Now that you have an idea of your strengths and
weaknesses, why don't you put them to the test?
If you follow my lead I can take you to a game
world where you can explore different sides of
yourself and taste real power....




Which of the 5 Prime Elements are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Reading about someone who is doing his phd. Suddenly something stirred within me and i was afraid.

Monday night.

Another wedding dinner of a friend. Quite a nice dinner sitting with people whom i can talk to (or talk about *nudge nudge gpa*) and met some new people. The bride had 4 different gowns for the night and it was the most change of clothes i have ever sat through in a wedding dinner. I wonder if the newly-weds had any food at all. For that matter, i wonder if the emcee had any food at all, as she was busy running here and there. Anyway, the food was so-so but the company was great. *smiles at snow and gpa* Especially all those talk about different ways to plan for a wedding next time. I think we quite, quite shock the other guys in the table about our "daring", if not innovative ideas. Personally, i thought selling tickets at the padang is a terrific plan. :))

Saturday.

Colleague's wedding at MGS chapel. She was one year my junior in MGS and later in NJC. And now, we are colleagues. Small world. It was a lovely wedding and the atmosphere was casual and cosy. I think she looked radiant and happy. No sign of stress or pressure just before the ceremony at all. The service was wonderful and funny, and the buffet later was pretty good too. All in all, i enjoyed myself and it was nice to be back at my old school again.

After dinner, checked out his bench at merlion park. The paint on it is starting to come off bit by bit. Felt abit sad but it was quite heartening to see families gathering to take photos with individual designs of the benches. Met up with the girls and their other halfs at HV for drinks but was feeling really tired.

Sunday was landscape painting day. Last lesson would be next tuesday. Should be signing up as a private student with the same teacher. Probably starting in jan'04. Then had lunch and shopped for some clothes for my aussie trip. Quite relaxing. Was suppose to go the the expo for the bodyworks exhibition but was so tired that went home and fell asleep promptly instead. Watched star wars and sent him home.

Actually, there's nothing much to be said about how i spent my days. Just that i'm trying to occupy them the best that i can. I do want to spend my days well and happy. Sometimes it is hard to gauge if i am. Happy i mean. I guess most of the time i am.

Went to Hossan Live on friday with a couple of friends and it was pretty fun watching him take the mickey out of PAP, opposition party, the merlion, the esplanade, people across the causeway and life in the garden city in general. Majority of the jokes worked for me though some fell flat. What's annoying though is this silly lady behind me that kept explaining the punchline each and every step of the way

For example... (during the taxi cab "garment" joke)
She: "Hahaha garment! Like government!". (repeated each time a similar joke comes up, none to softly either)

I mean, for heaven's sake! DUH! Does she even know what subtle means?? We get the joke already! Do you need to spell our EVERYTHING? Sheesh.

Anyway, i think all of us enjoyed the show pretty much. Its a pity that friends who got the tickets originally didn't get to come. Perhaps another time...

Yes, Angela.
School leave policy sucked.
But then i'm sure there are perks too.
For me, i enjoy being able to take block leave during school holidays regularly every year which alot of places don't allow you to.
I can only wish i have more than 21 days in my annual leave.
Cheer up lah!
I'm sure half day during Graduation day won't be too much of a problem.

Been quite lazy and not been buying my broccoli and baby carrots for lunch. Now eating sinfully oily vegetable/rice from coffeeshop opposite school. Argh. I feel like my stomach is revolting again. Must persist in healthy life-style!!!! Will go cycling tonight after dinner with department. ARGH. Jap food tonight!! How to control?! *Sulk*

It is the time of the year where we have case conferences again. Meeting parents after parents after parents. Some are nice, some are well.. stressed. Already, there are some potential difficulties arising from some parents when their children turns 6, a critical age. A time when some parents would asked, "What is the future for my child", "Can he/she go to mainstream.". Some parents don't even ask, but has it in their heads that their child have to be in mainstream and all they wanted to know is how to get their child there. A little bit more than stressful when sometimes we know that that child most probably will have a lot of difficulties going there.

Alas.

I am hoping for holidays to come right now.

Craziness... he is back from trip and yet doubly busy still with staff retreat and his kids' exams. Though he sneaked out to come over, most of the time he was trying to use the computer to see if he could talk to his kids or that his phone kept beeping. In the end i fell asleep instead. Guess i could only talk to him after the 21st. Hate talking to people especially when they are preoccupied or stressed or both. I think rather than get all upset and bothered, it would have been better to see him after he had settled what he has to do, then he won't get stress having to manage his work and balancing me off the side and i won't have to sit around feeling bored and upset. Luckily these days i have other things to occupy me.

He has been away on a school art trip to thailand during the weekend but will be returning today. Looking forward to hugging him but not before wringing his neck first for not calling me at all throughout his trip and making me worry. :P

Last night, attended the wake of friend's dad. Tons of people were there and cars lined the narrow roads leading to her house. Not sure what i can say in times like these but i hoped that she will be okie. She looked alittle lost and very wan. Her brother and mother also don't looked too good. But at least i know there will be someone who is looking out for her in her time of need. Wish i could do more or say more to make things better, but i know the family just need alot of time and support now.

Last sunday, had my landscape painting class in the morning as usual at the field opposite bugis junction. The painting is coming along bit by bit but i'd say that i still need a lot of help from my teacher. Some of his other private students were there as well and boy, do i have lots to learn! Will probably continue to sign on as a private student with him after the last session next week.

Lazed around in the afternoon and watched some VCDs and catching up on my reading. Now finally have some time to start on the antique "One thousand and one nights" tales i bought from perth. Pretty relaxing.

Got a call for coffee/supper in the evening but spent sometime tweaking my landscape first and cleaning up before cycling down frankel ave to dartmoor. Or was it darwoods? Should be darwoods i think. Isn't dartmoor in england? Well, maybe i had too much teh halia that night so can't really remember. Have to remember to try not to do that on the nights when i have to prepare to go the work the next morning. *grins*. Anyway, company was interesting and we talked from 10.30 till 2 in the morning. Definitely people whom i would enjoy talking to again. After that, cycled home in the cool breeze and it was very peaceful to cycle late at night without much traffic.

Guess the only downside of it all is that i felt like a walking zombie on monday morning. :)

Last saturday night, had dinner with a girl friend which was quite nice till she invited me to this party with her boss and the evening sort of went downhill from there. It is not to say that the people were not nice. Just felt very uncomfortable there because i don't know anyone and that everyone is heavily involved in making lotsa moolah in one way or the other. Most are from this and that big finance company or banks. People who goes to tokyo for holidays and stay in the BEST hotels. People who talked about work and who's who in the industry. People who smoked cigars and collect art works. People who lived right smack in the orchard road. Well, just different circle of people altogether.

I felt like a country idiot. I couldn't talk to anyone there and nothing made sense to me. Even the cats were of a higher "class" than i was. Hardly a pedigree and can never faked to be one. Way out of my league, man. Didn't help that i embarrassed myself (and i suspect, my friend) when i walked right smack into the balcony glass door (why did they have only candles when they were so rich??) right infront of these glamourous people.

Ouch.

Still, every new experience is a good experience. Even embarrassing ones.

Last friday night, i had supper with my brother after i woke up from my nap, which by then, most friends are either on the way to bed or out with plans already, but it was for the best as i had quite an interesting time with bro. Took him to the arab st cafe where he had kebabs (though he wanted prata at first), and he enjoyed it quite a bit. Don't really have much chances speaking to my bro one on one because well.. it seemed at times we just pursuing very different things. That's not to say that we have a bad relationship (perhaps when younger *grins*) but we didn't think we have much in common. So while we stay in touch with what each other is doing, we seldom sit down and talk about them.

Finally we had a chance on friday and turns out that we have more in common than we think. We discussed about our personalities (all 3 siblings), our parents and how we view our future. He is at the juncture of his life where he has many options he would like to explore but didn't know what to chose. Hence he admired my single-mindedness in knowing what i want and how i am to get it. While i admired his quest for knowledge and always wanting to find out more and get more out of life. It was heartening to hear that he truly believe in the things that i do despite him always making fun of me about doing "charity" infront of my parents. It was also nice that he acknowledged and agreed with me about the importance of having some equilibrium in his life because i have observed that he burn himself out once he is engrossed in one thing or the other, be it work or relationships. Yet i do admire his tenacity and focus once he start on a project. And from him, i learnt that i ought to explore the options around me and not close my mind to them all the time to give myself a fair chance to excel. To take a little risk now a then.

In the end we agreed that my youngest brother, being the most carefree of all, is quite like a leaf floating peacefully in the wind where he did not mind going where the wind leads him. While this brother sighed that he is like a tree on the mountain, always wanting to grow higher and higher without knowing when and where to stop. And me, i'm like a cork on the sea, always attempting to seek equilibrium, not wanting to fly up high, or sink down to the bottom, just happy to keep to wherever the level of water is at.

Its nice to have supper with my brother once in a while. Suddenly, i felt closer to him than i had in ages and it felt nice.

Didn't sleep much last night so feeling a little like a walking zombie.
At least i still sound coherent infront of the parents.

On a sombre note...

Colleague's good friend's dad passed away on sunday and it was quite a shock even though i didn't know her that well. But i can imagine that death in the family can never be an easy thing to cope with. He was only 53. Looks like colleague is having a pretty hard time too and i know that relationship with the dad has not always been an easy one. But as she said, perhaps when the person dies, you don't really remember the bad things. I think humans are ultimately forgiving even though sometimes you would wish for the forgiving and understanding to have come earlier. I know this would probably stay with my colleague and the good friend for a long time to come but somehow, as long as they are there for each other, i think they would help each other cope with all the questions unanswered. Death usually meant leaving behind alot of questions marks but then, would these questions have mattered after the person have moved on to another place? Hoping that the family will pull through this.

My condolences...

Blogger ate my post about wrestling children at work twice in a row.
Darn if i didn't learn my lesson the first time and crtl-c the entire thing first.
Oh well.
Last thing i need is for blogger to start censoring my blogs.

Oh look.
My cat sleeps
and
sleeps.

Had quite a successful home visit to one of my student who refused to leave his house. Very happy that we managed to get him to eat, shower and engaged in some simple activities finally. Made me feel good inside and happy. However, can't say very much the same about some of the people i'm working with (just a very small number of them), who just made me want to scream. Heck... i thought we ought to be working for the children and it is appalling that some people can say that they don't to be in a particular class because they do not like so and so child. I wish i can chew their head off except at work, everybody had to be "professional" and talk things over and over and over again. It makes people sort of forget what the piorities are in the first place.

Matrix Revolutions had quite a dud ending despite the adrenaline-filled in-your-face and blown-to-bits attack of zion scene. The whole philosophy and premise of the matrix could only sustain the interest for so long before you think, "fuck it, what the heck did that mean???". I read countless and countless of debates, discussions about what each little piece of "data" within the movie meant and boy, do these people have time to analyze EVERYTHING. Till it reach a point where everything is freaking symbolic and like, "excellent man" (think keanu in bill&ted's amazing adventure).

Probably if i stopped to think about it (which i did, but it was too convoluted for words), it will all come to me naturally. Hell, i would even admit that the first movie got me expounding zen and life as i knew what they meant to people around me. But Revolutions just didn't quite cut it for me. The whole messiah ending with neo going back to the source (Oo.. spoiler? NOT) in all blaze and hallelujah glory just did it in for me. Not to mentioned the fact that i was getting a bit pissed off (like the rest of the audience) by the horrendous soundtrack (squeaks, squeals and screeches) where bits of conversations get replaced by elevator music. It was amazing i sat through the whole thing.

Perhaps its the bad cinema experience that marred my enjoyment of the movie. Why not? But damn if i would spend another dollar to watch it again. Maybe when i've simmered down, i would BORROW a vcd and work it all out again.

Hmm. Pardon my french.

Watching Matrix tonight at 945. Methinks me would be quite tired at the end of the day.

The last two wednesday mornings were spent at the dolphin lagoon in sentosa with some of the students and the dolphin trainers as part of a trial package for children with special needs to meet/interact with the pink dolphins. I can see that the kids had an amazing time there while i was filming them with the school digicam. Some who used to be quite passive and lack confidence to tried new things were surprisingly calm and willingly to be led into the water to stroke and feed the dolphin. When the finale came (they get to hang on to the dolphin's dosal fin with the trainer while it swim around), none of them were afraid and some, who kept a pretty flat expression thus far, came back out of the water smiling so beautifully that it was quite touching. All the adults were cheering the kids on, including out bus uncle and one kid was so happy that he even turned to wave at us while hanging on to the dolphin with another hand.

Really, despite the fact that these children are "different" from other kids, they are really kids after all. You can see their excitement and feel their happiness as they chatted and make noise all the way back to school on the bus. Perhaps i sound a little selfish when i said this, but despite all the wild-life preservationists called to set the dolphins free, i am really appreciative that our kids had a chance to interact with these gentle animals. I could really see how they manage to bring the children side of them out in contrast to the usual "emotional-indifferent" self that we see so often in school. The trainers were incredibly gentle to our children as well as the dolphin and i could see how they cared for all of them (e.g. giving the dolphin plenty of breaks in between when they felt he needed to rest or swim or jump). I really wished that more of our children have a chance like this.

For some crazy reason, i can't see the recent blogs i typed since last night. Why?

Its morning and i have case conference with parents stretching from 9.15am all the way till 6.15pm.

Don't know have time to eat the shuan4 pan2 zi3 my mom made for lunch or not...

I think i always gets slightly nostalgic when i am really tired.
Perhaps i ought to go to bed and not look through mindless junk of old.

Ahhhh!!!! okie.. Just one more. I promise i will stop! Really! Argh!

Finale

a sense of completion
of finality
push her out of the revelry
which sustained her thus far

an overwhelming sense of need
of desire
curbed
her morality set free

They came full circle
upon pebbles on the beach
dawn breaks over the water
over the land
over him
over her
over them

uncertain dawn weaken from the night
grew in strengths of resolution
no longer wrapped by the seducing night
the blinding incoherence

the one embraced by darkness
becomes two hence

a tinge of sadness
of regret
time awashing all traces
only the beginning remains

They came full circle
an unbroken chain in the night
awaking in a dream
to where they were again

thus finality has spoken
the beginning's begun

Spent the evening on my landscape painting before working some energy off by cycling down telok kurau and meandering around the quaint little houses.

Boy, does my muscles ache.

Oh... let me indulge in a little juvenile drivel!

He and She

They met for the first time. A young boy and a young girl.
They became friends a little by little, a bit by bit.
Slowly and surely, they became the best of friends.
They shared laughter.
They shared tears.
Years passed, slowly and surely, the girl found that she loved the boy,
a little by little, a bit by bit.
'Do you like me?' she asked one day.
'We are the best of friends' he replied. She smiled sadly.
She loved the boy with all her heart. She wished he would love her back.
She waited.
She wanted him to be happy.
He wanted to see the world. And he did.
Postcards, letters, photographs came, he never forgotten her.
They were the best of friends. She was contented.
And she waited.
'Do you love me?' she wrote.
'We are the best of friends.' he replied. He was sad.
He kept all her mails.
He thought of her as he travelled from city to city.
He loved all that he saw and touched.
She was happy for him.
And she waited.
'Do you love her?' his friend asked.
'We are the best of friends.' he replied.
He knew how she felt.
He knew she waited.
He wanted to see the world.
'I love you' she wrote.
'I know' he replied.
She smiled sadly. She wanted him to be happy.
'Do i love her?' he thought.
'You are the best of friends.' came the reply.
He loved all that he saw and touched.
He wanted her to be happy. She was his best friend.
He didn't know what to do.
And she waited.
And one day,
like tears on virgin snow, she disappeared.
'Did you love her?' someone asked after a long long time.
Silence was his answer.

Breathe

Little
pants
punched
holes
into
your face
quickly
as
yours
punched
back
to mine

quick
exchange
spittle
flew
yet
unable
to douse
the
hot
air
between
the spaces

short
puffs
quick
intake
sharp
stabs
to my
lungs
a
final
gasp

"i
cant
take
it
anymore"

-with a mighty heave
a great big push
i broke away-

with
my eyes closed
laboured breath had
strained my lungs and
thoughts
receding pants made up
by longer ones
cool air replaced hot
one by one
slowly slowly
i took this
long deserved

The storytelling for beginners' course i have attended is starting again. Anyone interested?

I had a real good time during the sessions and learnt quite a bit though definitely not good enough to perform to an audience yet. The teacher is also very entertaining and good in what he does, not to mention very helpful whenever we have questions. So anyone with two free sundays in Nov, no harm trying out something different and have some fun in the process. Good way to meet build up some confidence in public speaking as well as meeting new people.

Saw the man standing by the lorry, as all the vehicles stopped at the traffic junction. He looked unkempted and not entirely lucid. I am not sure if he is indian, malay or perhaps some exotic african who got lost in tropical singapore. He was wearing a tattered red t-shirt and faded jeans, sprouting a thick curly beard. The man stood for a while and for a minute i wondered if he was mad and weighed the likelihood that he may just walked into the traffic as it moved. Instead, he began by walking to the middle of the road, right up to the car which was 2 cars ahead of mine, gesturing to the driver inside that he wanted food to eat. I am not sure how the driver reacted, but the man smiled and walked back towards the lorry. Instantaneously, my initial worry that he may be knocked down and my curiousity of this man was replaced by a more immediate fear, that he may soon approach my car with the same request. It is the fear that i would not know how to react to the man. Would i look embarrass? Smile? Accede to his request by giving him money? Ignore him? Pretend that he never existed? As much as i was concerned initially about this strange man, when the pull comes to the crunch, when i am on the verge of being confronted personally, my immediate reaction was to become fearful.

In the end, the man disappeared behind another bus next to my car and the traffic lights turned green. There was a sense of relief which was followed closely by a sense of shame. I never did have to chance to know what exactly would i do yet, i suspect my potential reaction would not be one that i can be proud of.

Inbetween my oil painting classes, school work, night safari on halloween and planning/having a sausage party last saturday night, there really hasn't been much time to blog.

Had fun though.

Especially the sausage party. Tons of people I don't really know but alcohol always seems to make up for the lack of familiarity in a social situation. As usual, the star of the evening turns out to be Ruski. What can i say? I think i would hardly be popular without my cat. Perhaps i ought to bring him out on dates or something. Now... that sounds really sad but then, he IS cute. Can't say that he had much fun though, being surrounded by half a dozen strangers at a time and being "force-fed" vodka mudslide. I think he was quite, quite happy when everyone left him alone in the sink.

All in all, pleasant evening for me and i hope others.